a bit crude but funny.... delete if needed...lol

Sex. . .
It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now, after 'original and proprietary' research, the scientific community is proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................................12 Calories
69 lying down....................................78 Calories
69 standing up..................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow.....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.....................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier............................2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real............................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately...........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...1 ,816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years..................... ................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories
70 and over........................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly...........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

Mark on behalf of Shaun